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To the left of the troops a general took the stage. His unmarked body started to sprout clothes that resembled the United States Army green. A helmet popped onto his head as his face molded into that of earth actor George C. Scott.“Troops!” his voice rang across the crowd. “As you know, we have been waiting patiently for the earthlings to make contact with us!” The crowd murmured. “Unfortunately since we provided them with what they call fire, and thus warmth so that they could focus on breeding and evolving, they keep holding themselves back!” booing came from the crowd. The general gestured for them to calm down. “Just when we think they have made advancements, we find recordings of their mating rituals where the male has a sorry excuse for genitalia! When they finally have peace, they find some other stupid reason to have another war, killing those gifted with large appendages.” He shook his head. Clearing his throat, he continued. “That is why we will be sending you all down to. The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end."Hi Meg," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"Meg replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..." What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband."How did you know I was at Dillard's?He must pay!Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her Mum and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."Mum said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a family nude beach...As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad.
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